I don't know why I have the kind of anger I do. Almost nobody will ever see it, the normal people I talk to once in a while don't think I'm an angry person, they probably don't even think I'm very mean, put aside my sarcastic tone and smarter-then-thou jokes, I'm a nice guy.
The people that I care about the most seem to get the worst out of me, and I don't know why.
I do my best to cage it, control it, harness it, and even use it to my advantage. But it never seems to work the way I want it to when I want it to. I'll get extremely angry at someone inside, but I won't show it. Then, I'll get just a tiny bit unhappy at someone close and I'll explode in their face for no apparent reason. Don't the people that really make me mad deserve the explosion?
I hate when there are things about me out of my literal control. Sigh..
All in all, today wasn't a bad day. IT RAINED! I love the rain! It seemed to wash away the grime and guck that has been accumulating for a few days on the edge of my life. I feel clean, renewed, refreshed. I feel healed. I'm ready to awake and take on a new day now.
I did miss one thing, that I would have liked to have had, but, it's fine. Life goes on.
Short post for short feeling. Actually, I have a lot of feeling. I'm just not feeling the need to express it all right now. I think some sleeping pills, no dreams, and a text from the one I love tomorrow morning will set me up for success.
I miss you, D. <3
&Faled
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